I am breaking all of my rules today. When I started this diet I made twenty rules. Rules for acting "as if" and getting my life back on track. Rules for being productive. I have kept all of them every day until today (technically last night). So in order to make up for it, I decided it would be okay to break all my rules one day a week as long as I didn't eat anything. It's almost five and there is no food in my stomach!

My BF wanted to get gyros, which I agreed to yesterday before I made up my mind about the compromise I would have to make if I was going to abandon my rules. So when he called me today I pretended like I had completely forgotten. "Oh no! I just ate a huge breakfast! But I guess I can go and just get fries or something" [something my old fat self would have done]. But when we got there I just ordered a soda (diet coke, since I'm breaking all my rules). When his food came he asked if I had ordered fries, and I said, "no, I'm really not hungry. Maybe I'll have a couple of yours." But I didn't ask and he didn't offer and I escaped with my stomach unadulterated. And when he asked me what I had eaten for breakfast that I was so full, I smoothly answered without hesitation: "An enormous bowl of cereal and TWO pieces of toast with peanutbutter!" (I'd like to thank the academy...)

I got really tempted to binge earlier. My mom was leaving the house to go grocery shopping and I remembered that there were girl scout cookies and cheetos in the downstairs cupboard. I actually started muttering out loud to my self "no no no no no no no I can't I can't no no." It worked for a second and the mood passed, but then I found myself going downstairs anyway. As I was very slowly and shakily walking down the stairs I said (out loud again) "soup, soup I can have soup - that's not food - soup soup." I looked around the kitchen. I put the tea kettle on, thinking something warm might satisfy this evil hunger. I found a carton of vegetable broth in the cupboard and shook it. Some retard had opened it and left it out. I looked at bullion cubes but I really did NOT want to break my veganism. Something told me that if I did it would all be over. And then, vegeta.

This stuff is friggin' amazing. 0 calories and it's incredibly potent. I put a tiny spoonful in a mug and have been adding more hot water to it ever since (that was almost two hours ago!). My cravings are completely gone and I am victorious! Fantastic. I feel bad about not running today, though. Tomorrow I increase to two miles a day. I'm excited for the number on the scale tomorrow evening - my first week of restricting and I've done a fantastic job. I think I might treat myself to some diet dr. pepper. Or maybe another energy drink. Or maybe both!

Now to think of an excuse to avoid dinner.
"I'm right in the middle of something at the moment - I'll grab a bite later."
Or I could suggest a tv dinner so that no one notices how much I eat (or don't eat!)
Or I could go hang out somewhere else for a while and come back after dinner's over.

So many possibilities. :)