154.4

If this were an on-stage monologue I would be screaming "FUUUUCCKK!"

A girl I used to babysit overdosed on sunday night and I've been laying in bed crying and eating ever since. Occasionally I would look down at the remains of whatever disgusting fattening food I had just consumed and then run to the bathroom to throw up, but clearly those moments of sanity were few and far between. I slowly started to get back on track today. I actually went to school, although I skipped one of my classes. I didn't eat any non-vegan food and I didn't eat after 5 pm. I absolutely MUST go running tomorrow morning. I'm kind of nervous because I run right by the high school and it will probably be right around the time school starts, but what the heck am I nervous about? They're in high school! I'm supposed to be a grown-up now. Ha.

I am overcaffeinated and feeling disappointed in myself. I think I might be bipolar. But I am also a hypochondriac so that might be most of the problem. It's just that my antidepressants aren't working the way they should be. I don't feel blah depressed, like I did when I first went on them, but now my highs are really high and my lows are really low. I kind of like it, because I fully appreciate the full range of human emotion, but it's not cool when I miss three days of school because I'm laying in bed crying. I'd like to be able to feel that sad and still be capable of getting out of bed and doing what needs to be done. There is just no happy medium.