Claim Jumper does not publish nutrition information, but I read a statement that someone had sent out a piece of their cake for analysis and learned that that single piece of cake contained 4500 calories.

I believe it. Have you seen the whales that eat there? So I looked up the Cheesecake Factory's info for a Chinese Chicken Salad. I think it's pretty similar in size and composition to Claim Jumper. And get this, no joke: 960 calories for the entree salad.

Who knew a salad could be sooooo bad for you?? So I've decided to get the half-size with no chicken, dressing on the side and none of the crispy noodle wonton things. By my calculations that will be approximately 460 calories. And lots of water to drink.

This morning I watched my mom eat breakfast. Scrambled eggs and toast. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen and made me never want to eat again. I'll have to remember that next time I get a craving. She inhales her food and chews with her mouth open. And she's always doing something else like talking or reading or watching television when she eats. You can actually hear the deep breaths she takes between the huge bites she stuffs into her mouth. And she was wiping her plate with the toast - I shudder just at the thought of it.

It's weirdly liberating to post on this blog. These are things that I've always kept in my head, too scared to put them on paper for the fear of someone stumbling across them. Searching for pro-ana websites and literature is such taboo, even though I bet most women have done it at least once. After years of erasing my internet history and trying to memorize tips and tricks so I wouldn't have to write them down, I feel truly free to express what is actually on my mind.

It's been ridiculously cold out for the last couple of days so my morning runs have been invigorating but uncomfortably strenuous. I hope its just the cold that makes it seem so difficult, but more likely its my disgusting fat ass. Oh I'm on my stupid period, too. I miss the days when I was too slender and stressed out to get my period. I went for eight months once without it. But now that I'm actually sexually active that would probably just scare the crap out of me.

Yesterday I went to four different bathrooms and lost seventy-five cents in different dispensers trying to find a tampon, until finally a girl who was in the bathroom at the same time as me offered me one. I remember I was once in a public restroom and in dire need when the dispenser (as I've come to expect) was broken. This crazy hippie who was also in there told me to stand back and she karate kicked the machine. It fell off the wall and pads and tampons spilled all over the floor. She stepped back and said, "If men had periods, these would never be broken."