Pro-Ana?

After hungrily reading another blogger's pro-ana blog, plus years of trying to find as much anorexia literature as possible, I have decided to write and publish some of my own. I know there are others like me (perhaps too many others) who "hunger" for this stuff, and why not oblige?

Sorry to say that I am nowhere near anorexic. I have a history of disordered eating and excessive dieting/weightloss, but I believe the title "anorexic" requires a certain amount of control and perfection that are out of my reach. Even at my low weight (YEARS AGO) of 115, the possibility that I was anorexic would never have crossed my mind. I would kill to have as much control as those girls, to be able to starve myself to a point of danger. I am twenty-one years old, 5'8" (closer to 5'9", but not quite there), a soon-to-be unemployed university graduate and a recovering addict. Much too embarrassed and ashamed to publish my current weight, but happy to say that it is falling and will continue to do so.

Sobriety has brought me back enought into the real world to see the havoc I have wreaked upon my body in the deepest throws of my addiction. I want my perfect life back.

I am a compulsive perfectionist, and somehow managed to keep my job and a 3.8 GPA while guzzling a fifth of vodka and tons of sleeping pills daily. But I could not maintain my body (no small wonder, alcohol has a whopping seven calories per gram) and so here I am, fifteen pounds heavier and wildly depressed, but sober, finally. And ready to beat myself back into shape.

This week I am back on a strict vegan diet (for the first time in months), taking my antidepressants as directed (wellbutrin is the best for curbing cravings also), running one mile daily (I've never been much of an exerciser but I'm working on it), and lifting weights and doing crunches. I am making a solemn vow to commit at least twenty minutes to this blog each day, devoted solely to recording my progress in coming a little closer each day to perfection.
Perfect body = perfect life.