Crazy?

This morning (as usual) I did not want to get out of bed. At 9 am I dragged myself out from under the covers to find that the house was empty (which really shouldn't have surprised me: my parents are out of town and my sister always works weekday mornings). So I drove to QFC and bought a family-sized bag of cheeto puffs and a carton of sugar cookies, 1 liter of coke zero and two sugarfree energy drinks. I came home, crawled back under the covers and alternated scarfing down cookies with taking swigs from my coke zero. When the coke was gone and I'd eaten 7 cookies and 3/4 bag of cheetos, I calmly walked to the bathroom and performed the cleansing ritual of purging. It was really friggin unsatisfying though. Like all the food was stuck to my ribs and only liquid was coming out. I "rinsed" - drank a couple more glasses of water and then purged again - and then took a very hot bath.

After my bath I got ready for work and couldn't find my work shirt. Dress code is khakis and a collared black or white shirt. I tore the entire house apart, looking for anything that I could wear and found nothing. I was soooo frustrated. I screamed out loud several times, and punched myself as hard as I could in the stomach. By this time I was running late. So I settled for a smelly stained black t-shirt from the bottom of the laundry bin in the bathroom. My boss was surprisingly nice about it. At work I ate a bran muffin and a (shudder) pizza bagel.

After work I went to 1/2 an AA meeting, and then to Fred Meyer where I bought the first ridiculously over-priced collared shirt I found (white). And an energy drink. Then I stopped at Walgreens to get cigarettes and bought another energy drink and some diet pills (dexatrim max).

I have a little over six hours before I have to get up for the opening shift at work. I am debating whether or not to sleep. I think I border on some kind of "sleep anorexia." Is this a real disease? I am obsessed with seeing how little sleep I can get. I'll go for days on 2 or 3 hours a night and then have extended "sleep binges." It's essentially the same as my eating disorder, except unfortunately I haven't yet found a way to purge sleep. I love it when I get bouts of natural insomnia - there's nothing more artistically romantic than not being able to sleep. I feel like it cries out "SOMETHING'S WRONG!" more effectively than just about anything else.

No rest for the wicked.